And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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