I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
