Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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