Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
