This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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