This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
