So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
