6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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