My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
