Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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