I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
