I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
