Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
40s are totally the cure
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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