i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize