I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
