Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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