suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
