it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
