You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
