I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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