Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
