; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
