I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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