I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
