dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i've created a new STD.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
