No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then he tried to convert me to islam
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
