there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
