I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
