Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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