I just saw a hot homeless man
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
