he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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