Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
