is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
