She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
