Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
