get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
