I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
