your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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