I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
