she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
