just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
