He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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