I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
