I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
