So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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