I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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