thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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