The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
