there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Four minutes until I can fart!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
