piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
look no pants
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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