I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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