I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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