woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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