Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize