finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
