I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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