im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
