piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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