What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
