she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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