Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A+ Viking dick
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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