so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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