I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
