Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
