Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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