Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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