One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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