he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My feet surprised me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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