Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
